Mid-Valley Voice

Wedding Shower 101

As the hostess, you are basically planning a party that anticipates an even bigger party. And the guest of honor is someone who is close to you. So you'll want to make every effort to make the bride or the couple happy.

Take a moment to review the following basic information regarding how to plan a wedding shower.

Hostess(es)

Traditionally, the honor attendant serves as shower hostess. She can request help from members of the wedding party.

Co-workers, female relatives of the bride or the groom, can throw additional showers. Usually the mothers of the bride and groom do not serve as hostesses, but they may help out behind the scenes. Other close friends who are not in the wedding party may throw a shower. This customs is especially prevalent for small wedding parties.

Budget

How much do you want to spend on the shower? Who is contributing? First, find out how much money you have to work with, then pick a location and theme.

Date/Time

Showers are traditionally held from six months before the wedding to a week before. Prior to picking a date and time, decide where you want to hold the shower since location availability will be a factor. Try to pick a day and time most of the guests will have open. This usually means weekend afternoons. However, work-day showers can be held during lunch hour or immediately after work. Evening get-togethers are also an option.

Surprise (?)

Planning a surprise shower can be challenging but well worth the look of shock on the bride's countenance or on the faces of the couple when they enter the room. Make this decision early, since it will affect how you proceed with the details.

The guest list

If the bride knows about the shower, ask her to help with the guest list. If you want it to be a surprise, consult with her mom, her sister or the groom (if it's not a couples shower). Make sure friends and family of the bride and groom are invited, as well as the wedding party. Everyone invited to the shower also should be on the wedding guest list.

Invitations

Invitations can be formal or casual, matching the theme of the festivities. They can be printed or fill-in-the-blank.

Send them out four to six weeks before the day to guarantee each guest gets the invitation in time to mark the shower on his or her calendar. Request an RSVP by two weeks before the party.

Gifts

Make sure the bride and groom have registered before the shower. Include information on where guests can purchase gifts along with the invitations.

Determining Your Budget

Before you open the checkbook or lay down that credit card, take time to review the costs associated with getting married.

Ask friends or family members who have recently gotten married to advise you on setting an overall budget and how to allocate a portion of that budget to each component.

In general, the more simple and casual the wedding, the less expensive it will be. If you want a more formal and elaborate event, you'll probably need to work with a bigger budget. In this guide, you'll find options for every price range.

See our Wedding Planner Budget Checklist - we have organized the items budgeted according to whom traditionally pays for them. Today, however, many couples split the costs with their families or pay for the entire affair themselves. You can also choose to not include items you find unnecessary.

Whoever picks up the bill, it is important to stay as close to budget as possible. A happily married couple is one that is not paying wedding bills until their 10th anniversary!

Formulating the Guest List

Everyone looks forward to attending a wedding. It's an opportunity for family and friends to share the happiness that surrounds two people who are in love.

However, selecting which family and friends will witness that happiness can sometimes lead to tension. Although it may be impossible to invite everyone you, your fiancé and both sets of parents want to include, you can devise your invitee list in a logical way. As you begin to formulate your guest list, consider the following factors:

How many people can the facilities hold? Both the ceremony site and reception location can legally accommodate only a specific number of people. If you want small, intimate venues, you are going to need a small, intimate guest list. If including more people is important to you, find venues that can hold everyone comfortably.

What's for dinner (and how much is it)? The highest ticket item in a wedding is usually the reception meal. Catering fees are based on a per-person basis. Depending on the number of courses, the quality of liquor at your bar and the dining style, your price can range from $10 to $200 per person. The more people you invite, the bigger the chunk of your overall wedding budget.

Who's paying the bills? It is only right that the individuals paying the bills help determine how many people to invite.

If the bride and groom are paying, they may decide to split the total number of guests between the two families or by three: the bride's parents, the groom's parents and the couple. If the bride's parents are paying, take their wishes into account and compromise.

Adding a few extra guests to a large wedding won't make a big difference. However, when you're trying to keep things as small and intimate as possible, each person adds up.

Put on Your Dancing Shoes

Your reception will have some very special moments that you will remember the rest of your life, especially the ceremonial dances you share with your loved ones.

You'll want to select songs that suit you and your style. In addition, these musical selections should reflect your relationships with these special men in your life: your new husband, your father, stepfather, grandfather or uncles.

Check out the list below to find some melodious options for these dances. Then put on your dancing shoes.

The First Dance: Whether you prefer classic standards or something a little more modern, you can be sure to find the perfect song for your first dance as a married couple:

Standards:

• "At Last" (Etta James)
• "The Best Is Yet to Come" (Frank Sinatra)
• "Can't Help Falling in Love" (Elvis Presley)
• "Close to You" (The Carpenters)
• "Embraceable You" (Nat King Cole)
• "Here and Now" (Luther Vandross)
• "It Had to Be You" (Harry Connick Jr.)
• "Our Love Is Here to Stay" (Billie Holiday)
• "We've Only Just Begun" (The Carpenters)
• "Your Song" (Elton John)

Rock Power Ballads:

• "Amazed" (Lonestar)
• "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" (Aerosmith)
• "Open Arms" (Journey)
• "Time After Time" (Cyndi Lauper)
• "We Belong" (Pat Benatar)
• "You Got to Let Love Rule" (Lenny Kravitz)

Modern Marriage Music:

• "Crash" (Dave Matthews Band)
• "Ice Cream" (Sarah McLachlan)
• "In Your Eyes" (Peter Gabriel)
• "Kiss Me" (Six Pence None the Richer)
• "Let My Love Open the Door [to Your Heart]" (Pete Townsend)
• "Tonight, Tonight" (Smashing Pumpkins)
• "Wonderful Tonight" (Eric Clapton)

Father-Daughter Dance: Weddings are very emotional for the father-of-the-bride. He's just escorted his little girl down the aisle and presented her to her husband. The father-daughter dance, amidst all the activity that makes up a wedding, is a chance for dad and his daughter to spend some time together before she departs the family and begins her new life.

• "Butterfly Kisses" (Bob Carlisle)- Although this song may be a little sappy, it brings a tear to the eye of every father who's given away his daughter at the altar.
• "In My Life" (The Beatles)
• "Isn't She Lovely" (Stevie Wonder)
• "My Girl" (The Temptations)
• "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" (Maurice Chevalier)
• "Unforgettable" (Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole)
• "The Way You Look Tonight" (Frank Sinatra)

Mother-Son Dance: At his wedding, every man can be a mama's boy, at least while the mother-of-the-groom dances with her special guy.

• "Mama" (Boys II Men)
• "Mockingbird" (Carly Simon and James Taylor")
• "My Funny Valentine" (Frank Sinatra)
• "You Are the Sunshine of My Life" (Stevie Wonder)

Wedding Party Dance: They've been your friends, they've stood by you. Now, they'll dance with you. Pick a special song for your wedding party.

• "Friends Are Friends Forever" (Michael W. Smith)
• "I'll Remember" (Madonna)
• "I Will Remember You" (Sarah McLachlan)
• "Stand By Me" (Ben E. King)
• "You've Got a Friend" (James Taylor)

Parental Pride - Fashions for Mom and Dad

They raised you, they helped you. Now they're seeing you through to an important phase in your life - marriage.

Parents deserve to look as great as they feel. Parents' fashions have changed to reflect more modern styles.

Mothers: The mother of the bride and mother of the groom have all eyes on them as they walk down the aisle. And they'll be in more pictures than they've been in since their own wedding days. So why look matronly?

Bridal professionals agree that mothers of the bride and groom are looking modern and fashionable these days. They should begin their shopping once the bride has chosen her gown and the bridesmaids' dresses.

Traditionally, the mother of the bride sets the tone. The mothers shouldn't match each other, either. The mothers should consult with each other as to the style and color of their dresses.

The mothers' dresses should complement their personal style and coloring but shouldn't clash with - or exactly match - the wedding colors. The formality of their dresses should be in the same tone as the bridal party.

Fathers: Whether you're daddy's little girl or his big boy, the fathers want to look their best.

Fathers can purchase the same tuxedos as the groomsmen. However, if that look is too modern for them, they can wear a more traditional tuxedo. They can also tone down the color.

If colored vests are worn by the groomsmen, the fathers will best be suited in black or gray. And traditionally, the fathers' tuxedos match each other and the groomsmen in formality and style.